Eleanor Roosevelt gives a common sense approach for building character in children through independent problem-solving, delayed gratification, and work.
A generation ago it was the custom to feel that a child should be made to be obey without understanding; nowadays we feel that prohibitions are useless – there are too many means of getting away from authority in these days, so there are only two sure safeguards for the young ? good taste and the ability to reason for one’s self, and if necessary deny one’s self the pleasant and tempting thing. These things are only acquired through long character training.
Good taste may be a matter of environment but the ability to govern one’s self has to be cultivated from early youth. Why should children make their parents miserable by asking their sanction to do things which quite obviously they themselves should know they should not do? It is the obligation of parents by their own conduct to build up their children’s confidence in them, for there are times when only their wider experience and knowledge can help youth to a wise decision; and if they are successful in building up a happy relationship with the children, much hardship and bitter experience may be averted. Their help should only be expected and offered, however, when circumstances clearly call for wider experiences than the child has.
As parents, we must realize that modern life tends to make us soft, and we must let our children meet their own difficulties, find their own solutions to knotty problems and gain experience for themselves. It may seem hard but what a sense of satisfaction when one feels sure of the ability in one’s self to meet a difficulty. The world is no longer the fearsome place it was ? the child has gained a sense of power and self-assurance.
Do not feel sorry when you cannot fulfill every wish your child expresses. Children coming from a home when there is just money enough to give them healthful surroundings but where they are obliged to struggle to a certain extent to obtain opportunities for progress have an advantage over children who always dropped into their laps the greatest of opportunities for development, with no effort on their part. It is impossible artificially to create a situation which will give the incentive of struggle, which has an advantage in creating firmness and steadiness of character. There is one thing, however, which we can all do, namely, we can make it possible for our children to appreciate what work is. A child’s zest in life will not be lessened and his strange character-building process will go on much better when he is envisaging new fields of endeavor. Nothing is more pathetic than a bored child; and one becomes bored when there is nothing new that is of interest. So open up all the avenues of rich experience to your children and encourage them to follow them for themselves.
SOURCE: Parent’s Magazine, June 1931