Is your teen depressed?
Since depressive feelings can range in severity, depression can describe a normal human emotion. However, depression also can refer to a mental health illness ― an illness when the feelings of depression persist and interfere with a person’s ability to function.
Two of the main causes of depression are:
Unresolved grief due to death, loss of relationship, loss of hopes and dreams, abandonment, or traumatic event
Emotional detachment from fear or inability to connect with another or others
Children under stress, who experience loss, or who have attention, learning, conduct, or anxiety disorders are at a higher risk for depression. Teenage girls are at especially high risk, as are minority youth.
Depressed youth often have problems at home. In many cases, the parents are depressed, as depression tends to run in families.
Over the past 50 years, depression has become more common and is now recognized at increasingly younger ages. As the rate of depression rises, so does the teen suicide rate.
It is important to remember that the behavior of depressed children and teens may differ from the behavior of depressed adults. The characteristics vary, with most children and teens having additional mental health problems, such as behavior disorders or substance abuse.
If one or more of these signs of depression persist, parents should seek help:
Frequent sadness, tearfulness, crying Teens may show their pervasive sadness by wearing black clothes, writing poetry with morbid themes, or having a preoccupation with music that has nihilistic themes. They may cry for no apparent reason.
Hopelessness Teens may feel that life is not worth living or worth the effort to even maintain their appearance or hygiene. They may believe that a negative situation will never change and be pessimistic about their future.
Decreased interest in activities; or inability to enjoy previously favorite activities Teens may become apathetic and drop out of clubs, sports, and other activities they once enjoyed. Not much seems fun anymore to the depressed teen.
Persistent boredom; low energy Lack of motivation and lowered energy level is reflected by missed classes or not going to school. A drop in grade averages can be equated with loss of concentration and slowed thinking.
Social isolation, poor communication There is a lack of connection with friends and family. Teens may avoid family gatherings and events. Teens who used to spend a lot of time with friends may now spend most of their time alone and without interests. Teens may not share their feelings with others, believing that they are alone in the world and no one is listening to them or even cares about them.
Low self esteem and guilt Teens may assume blame for negative events or circumstances. They may feel like a failure and have negative views about their competence and self-worth. They feel as if they are not “good enough.”
Extreme sensitivity to rejection or failure Believing that they are unworthy, depressed teens become even more depressed with every supposed rejection or perceived lack of success.
Increased irritability, anger, or hostility Depressed teens are often irritable, taking out most of their anger on their family. They may attack others by being critical, sarcastic, or abusive. They may feel they must reject their family before their family rejects them.
Difficulty with relationships Teens may suddenly have no interest in maintaining friendships. They’ll stop calling and visiting their friends.
Frequent complaints of physical illnesses, such as headaches and stomachaches Teens may complain about lightheadedness or dizziness, being nauseated, and back pain. Other common complaints include headaches, stomachaches, vomiting, and menstrual problems.
Frequent absences from school or poor performance in school Children and teens who cause trouble at home or at school may actually be depressed but not know it. Because the child may not always seem sad, parents and teachers may not realize that the behavior problem is a sign of depression.
Poor concentration Teens may have trouble concentrating on schoolwork, following a conversation, or even watching television.
A major change in eating and/or sleeping patterns Sleep disturbance may show up as all-night television watching, difficulty in getting up for school, or sleeping during the day. Loss of appetite may become anorexia or bulimia. Eating too much may result in weight gain and obesity.
Talk of or efforts to run away from home Running away is usually a cry for help. This may be the first time the parents realize that their child has a problem and needs help.
Thoughts or expressions of suicide or self-destructive behavior Teens who are depressed may say they want to be dead or may talk about suicide. Depressed children and teens are at increased risk for committing suicide. If a child or teen says, “I want to kill myself,” or “I’m going to commit suicide,” always take the statement seriously and seek evaluation from a child and adolescent mental health professional. People often feel uncomfortable talking about death. However, asking whether he or she is depressed or thinking about suicide can be helpful. Rather than “putting thoughts in the child’s head,” such a question will provide assurance that somebody cares and will give the young person the chance to talk about problems.
Alcohol and drug abuse Depressed teens may abuse alcohol or other drugs as a way to feel better.
Self-Injury Teens who have difficulty talking about their feelings may show their emotional tension, physical discomfort, emotional pain, and low self-esteem with self-harming behaviors, such as cutting.
Early diagnosis and medical treatment are essential
Depression requires professional help, self-help, and support from family and friends. Comprehensive treatment often includes both individual and family therapy.
There are several ways to get referrals of qualified mental health professionals, including the following:
- First, check with your insurance provider for any limitations.
- Talk to family members and friends for their recommendations. If you participate in a parent support group, ask other members for their recommendations.
- Ask your child’s primary care physician or your family doctor for a referral. Tell the doctor what is important to you in choosing a therapist so he or she can make appropriate recommendations.
- Inquire at your church, synagogue, or place of worship.
- Call professional organizations for referrals.
- Network the resources listed on your state’s page at the Directory of Family Help. Call these resources for referrals.
Ideally, you will end up with more than one therapist to interview. Call each one and request to ask the therapist some questions, either by phone or in person. You may want to inquire about his or her licensing, level of training, expertise, approach to therapy and medication, and participation in insurance plans and fees. Such a discussion should help you sort through your options and choose someone with whom you believe you and your teen might interact well.
Undoing Depression: What Therapy Doesn’t Teach You and Medication Can’t Give You by Richard O’Connor Like heart disease, says psychotherapist Richard O’Connor, depression is fueled by complex and interrelated factors: genetic, biochemical, environmental. In this refreshingly sensible book, O’Connor focuses on an additional factor often overlooked: our own habits. Unwittingly we get good at depression. We learn how to hide it, how to work around it. We may even achieve great things, but with constant struggle rather than satisfaction. Relying on these methods to make it through each day, we deprive ourselves of true recovery, of deep joy and healthy emotion. This book teaches us how to replace depressive patterns with a new and more effective set of skills. We already know how to “do” depression-and we can learn how to undo it. With a truly holistic approach that synthesizes the best of the many schools of thought, O’Connor offers new hope-and new life-for sufferers of depression. Read Dr. O’Connor’s article on Teen Suicide.
Hiding From Love by John Townsend When we experience emotional injury, fear, shame, or pride, our first impulse is to hide the hurting parts of ourselves from God, others, and even ourselves. The problem is that when we withdraw, hiding our injuries and frailties, we run from the very things we need to heal and mature. What first seemed to serve as protection becomes a prison of despair. This book helps readers explore the hiding patterns they have developed and guides them toward the healing grace and truth that God has built into safe, connected relationships with himself and others.
Parents Guide to College Depression Because a growing number of college-aged kids are reporting that they’re dealing with depression, parents should think about how these kids will handle the sometimes overwhelming transition to being on their own ― and, should it bring about depression, what they can do.